the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
