3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
