I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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