Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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