Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he thought i was a dude.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
