What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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