did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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