four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
There's even glitter on my cock...
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