I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
