If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
