He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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