i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I supernannyed him into submission
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
