My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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