is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
