just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
