i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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