I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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