It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
