It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
