About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
