I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
