I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When are your genitals available?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
