So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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