I got chris browned last night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Too much gin, very little bucket
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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