i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize