I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
