Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
