I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
