So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
