I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
