I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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