next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
