I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
