how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it glows. i had to have it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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