In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
