I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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