Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize