last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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