What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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