I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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