I accidentally had phone sex last night
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
