yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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