I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
