Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
