I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
