I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
