I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
