Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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