i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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