3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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