Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
