You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
