So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
