I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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