I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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