Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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