toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
