i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
