i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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